WE’RE SO SORRY

‘WE’RE SO SORRY’: THE PATHOLOGICAL APOPLEXY OF APOLOGIZING

You’ve just got to love all of these politicians, athletes, corporate types and clergymen all falling over one another to see who can be the first to apologize for the latest breach of either personal, professional, moral, or political ethics.

It seems that not a week goes by these last couple of years without some bigwig of some sort coming foreword and apologizing for some current or better yet, long-past breach of the public trust.

We’re so obsessed with transparency now, and so intent on bowing to the agenda of a small, yet well-organized group of people who are secular, anti-clerical, anti-patriarchal, it would seem anti-everything traditional, that we’ve lost sight of who we are, and just where we’ve come from, and in fact, where we’re going.

So I’d like to ‘fess up and make a very long-winded apology of my own, seeing that we’re in that frame of mind right now, and just get it off my chest so that we can all feel better about ourselves and get on with living together in peace and harmony.

First of all, I’d like to apologize for all of the evil, global imperialist meddling that the west has engaged in since Christopher Columbus ‘discovered’ the new world. This has led to such awful things as the world being united by a common set of shipping lanes, which were mapped out by all these evil doers, as well as the ability to do such horrific things as getting on an aircraft and instantaneously travelling to the other side of the planet, and being able to communicate with the natives in these far off lands in an almost universally accepted defacto common language. This was established thus by the awful imperialist meddling of the Royal Navy, and later the US Navy, who went out and did such unspeakably unpardonable things such as conquering foreign lands, taking over their markets, enslaving their people, and building entirely new civilizations in the process. For this, I’m so terribly sorry.

All of this evil-doing has also led to such catastrophically egregious wrong as being able to now instantaneously send an electronic message, either by voice, data, or image, to the other side of the planet in merely seconds, not to mention having a global financial system which allows such horrifically unjust things to occur such as being able to go virtually anywhere on this planet with a piece of plastic, and buy something, have it charged to your account somewhere on a data base somewhere else in the world, and then be able to pay your bill from an airport lounge somewhere in Asia using a wireless internet connection which allows you to get into your account, with the help of your password. For this, I’m terribly sorry, and would like to take this opportunity on behalf of all white male Judeo-Christian imperialist capitalists that if there’s anything I can do to make things right again, please let me know, and I’d be glad to join with the rest of my Sky People brothers and sisters, and turn around and leave all of you nice blue people alone to plug your hair into your flying dragon thingies and go for a spin around the block.

Like I said, WE’RE REALLY SORRY.

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