Have you seen those new Rogers TV commercials with the two young dudes on the ski lift playing with their mobile devices? The one on the left all of a sudden shudders and gets a look of fleeting pleasure on his face, as if he just had a full body orgasm and says to his buddy, ‘I just had it again.’ And his clueless buddy replies ‘What?’ Whereupon the ‘hip’ dude replies ‘That Rogers LTE feeling, you know it’s like,…’ Then the shot cuts to a fast action sequence of individual athletes on their vehicles of choice (snowmobile, bicycle, snowboard) going full tilt in a heart-pumping and adrenaline-filled sequence.


The clueless buddy replies sheepishly, ‘I’m not with Rogers’, whereupon the ‘hip’ dude says, ‘Ah… you wouldn’t get it!’ And I’m going, like what? Is this what it has come to? Guys are being exhorted to be narcissistically cool by having techno-cyber-orgasmatronic sexual relations with their mobile devices? And his buddy is like ‘not cool’ because he’s not able to ‘masturbate’ as pleasantly or as efficiently as his more ‘cool’ buddy?


Is this what every ‘cool’ and ‘with it’ young white post-pubescent male should aspire to in our postmodern, post-industrial consumer marketplace? Having techno-cyber sex with your smart phone? And they say technology is supposedly ‘bringing us all together’ like never before? I’d say it’s more like turning us all into self-centered, self-absorbed, self-seeking, navel-gazing narcissists who are  increasingly dissociated and desensitized from the face to face aspects of interpersonal contact within the social fabric and are being further and further distanced from face to face human contact and being more and more artificially ‘connected’ to techno-cyber networks of contact, where often the etiquette of personal and group morality, self-restraint, self-control and discretion are noticeably absent. People think that because the other people are not present in front of them that they can say just about anything and there will be no consequences.


Shouldn’t that young man be striking up a conversation with a young lady over, say, the colour of her hair or jacket, or maybe the BOOK SHE’S READING? OR BETTER YET, THAT HE’S READING!!! Or maybe they’re supposed to strike up a conversation about each other’s mobile device? But maybe she’s too busy having the same sort of techno-cyber orgasmatronic sexual experience with her Rogers-enabled device to even be able to notice that cute guy beside or across from her, who’s also having a techno-cyber orgasmatronic sexual experience with HIS mobile device!!! WOW!!! We’ve created a society of techno-cyber orgasmatronic masturbators!!!


I shudder to think at how any of them are going to be able to take enough time out from their techno-cyber defilement with their mobile devices to actually notice that the other one exists, engage in verbo-motor interaction long enough to get to know each other to MAYBE get married (that’s pushing it, don’t ask too much!), poop out 2.1 kids, get a job, purchase property and a minivan before each developing a peptic ulcers, cancer, having a heart attack or getting divorced (assuming they ever got married to begin with), whichever comes first.


Maybe today’s generation can all just relate to their mobile devices and be fulfilled sufficiently that they won’t need to procreate? But then again, that would cause the human race to become extinct within one or two generations. But not to worry. The next phase of ‘wealth creation’ is the ‘life sciences.’ Now that everybody will be too busy techno-cyber defiling themselves with their ‘smart phones’ (that’s really ‘smart’ isn’t it?), the likes of the bio-tech companies can then move in and produce enough cloned people and replicant droids to keep consumer demand buoyant for generations to come.


Because that’s what it’s all about, right? ‘It’s the economy, stupid!’ said the sign during the U.S. election in the early 1990s. It’s all about production and consumption, right? Right? As long as the economy ‘keeps on growing’, we’re OK, right? Right? As long as people keep on purchasing property and cars and furniture and appliances and electronics, we’re OK, right? RIGHT? It’s all about being ‘prosperous’ and ‘efficient’ and ‘competitive’, ‘productive’, ‘lowering taxes’ (how low can they go, by the way before they completely disappear?), ‘reducing the size of government’, ‘getting government off our backs’, ‘balancing the budget’, ‘increasing output’, ‘increasing demand.’


Where does it end? How big do the SUVs have to get before we say ‘they’re too big!!!’ Do they need a 600 hp engine with a V10? A V12? A 12 speed automatic transmission? Are the big fat Canadian and American guys who drive them supposed to keep on ‘growing’ as well? Is their food intake supposed to keep on ‘growing’ as well?


I started out with a simple sarcastic commentary about a dude and his buddy on a ski lift with their smart phones but basically it’s a commentary about western civilization ‘writ large.’ And I mean ‘large.’ I mean ‘super size.’ How can we go on this way while 80% of the planet lives on 20% of the resources while we exhort our youth to engage in such frivolous self-defilement as this kind of ‘make believe’ techno-cyber orgasmatronic sexual relations with pieces of techno garbage which will be obsolete in six months? Meanwhile ‘the world is waiting for a love song…’ as BTO put it in their song of the same name off the ‘Street Action’ album.


The world needs more love and kindness, not cyber-defilement. I think I’ll go to Church tomorrow, as per my usual custom, and commune with God in the Holy Eucharist, then commune with my friends over breakfast afterwards. I’ll leave the dudes in the ski lift to cyber defile themselves to their heart’s content!!! Amen.

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